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Very, very short poems(s) + Criticize? ?
"Winter Kisses"
Our cheeks
burning in the cold
the tips of our noses
numb
our icicle lips
brush eachother
then suddenly
melt together
heating us up better
then any cup of steaming
french vanilla coffee ever could.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Font of Love"
If I could marry a font,
I would marry his.
I just adore it,
the way he makes such a bold green statement
and those cute little curves on the letter a.
His font reminds me of the letters
of a little grade pre-school student,
learning how to print for the very first time.
Like the way their pencil doesn't quite fit
all that well in their tiny shaped hands.
And as for those exclamation marks---
Well they are really adorable!
They just are, I dont know why.
If I could marry a font,
I would totally marry his.
... THANKS!
© Keepl0vealive 2008/ Writer's Productions Inc.
It's great that you're trying your hand at poetry. Your poems are pretty good. I really like the first. The only mistake I noticed was that "eachother" isn't a word. There needs to be a space between "each" and "other". The second poem isn't quite at the standard you set with your first. You seem a little like an overly enthusiastic high school student who got her first boyfriend. The phrase "grade pre-school" does not make sense to me, and words like "totally", "really", and the phrase "they just are" also add to the high school student ambiance. Once you've revised your poems and are quite sure you want them out there, I would suggest that you put them on www.poetry.com. You can win awards, have your poems published in books, and earn recognition for free (it's completely free to upload poems). They even have contests where you can win iPods and more.
Good luck with your writing career,
Bee
PS: I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but you did ask for critiques.
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